


Come Back To Me

by parkersharthook



Series: bucky barnes fics [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Established Relationship, F/M, Mentions of choking, Violence, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, activated bucky barnes, inaccurate comic book references, not too graphic but not nothing either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkersharthook/pseuds/parkersharthook
Summary: Something goes wrong on a mission and all you want is for Bucky to come back to you
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: bucky barnes fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745854
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Come Back To Me

“What do you mean he didn’t come back with you? Where is he?”

“Y/n…”

It had been a stressful few weeks. You and Bucky never really worked well when you were separated for too long. You got too antsy and worried, he got uptight and frustrated. It’s just better for all parties involved for you two to at least be in contact with one another.

And maybe that type of relationship isn’t great when one of you is a highly trained spy and the other is a highly trained assassin. Your jobs aren’t the most stable and one of you is almost always being whisked away on one mission or another.

But typically you can still at least talk to each other. A phone call here, a facetime there, texts in between. When those missions do come around, you both cling to whatever you can get. And it works… for a short bit. But then you begin to miss each other, and want each other around. Which is understandable. You guys are in love and all that nonsense.

But this time was different. This mission was high high high up on the secrecy level which means no communication to the outside world. At all. And maybe you could’ve dealt with this if you were the one on the mission, been able to focus on the task at hand. But you weren’t. He was. He was the one, while still thinking of you, got to preoccupy his mind with strategies and information paramount for the mission. You were stuck back at the tower doing nothing. Sure the occasional villain popped up but being the sharp shooter you were with the teammates you had, they disappeared rather quickly.

So no, nothing too big was keeping you busy. And for once in your life, you wish it weren’t the case. You wish you didn’t have time to read that book or watch that show. Because when you sit down with the book in one hand in your mug of coffee in the other, you don’t actually read. You stare at the pages blankly and fill them with thoughts of your Bucky. Good and bad thoughts, naturally. You think of the amazing memories you guys have together and the ones you’re ready to make. But then you also think about not being able to see him again and losing the chance of a future with him. More often than not, you put your book back on the shelf with a few more tears stains than it started with.

And this was the pattern, the trend that continued on for 3 long weeks. 3 strenuous, tough, exasperating, maddening, infuriating, irritating, desperately lonely weeks. Sure you had your other teammates. Tony was still around, but often busied himself with his lab. Same went for Bruce and whatever major scientific journey he was on. You didn’t keep up with that stuff. Natasha and Clint popped in every now and then but mostly enjoyed this time off to be ordinary people. Vision and Wanda were away on some sort of mini vacation. Sure you could call them, but this was their time to relax as well and you didn’t want to be a burden. So you sat in the large rooms of the tower by yourself wearing your boyfriend’s shirts.

Sam, Steve, and Peter had all left with Bucky. Made sense. Sam, Steve, and Bucky were the trifecta. A well-oiled machine that could take down a ring of drug lords that spent a decade building their fortune in one… two minutes flat. Peter… well the boy needed some training. And this was a good learning opportunity. He’d be exposed to stake outs, long nights and days, disconnecting with everyone else. It’d be hard on him, but you knew he’d appreciate it. To be honest, you kind of missed your boys.

Sam and Steve had filled that sort of brother role to you. They teased you for almost about everything, Bucky included or not. But they also wouldn’t let anything even touch you maliciously, whether that was a bad guy or a bug. You loved them

Peter, though like a brother to you, was more like an annoying little brother. He’d protect you in any way he could but you were also protecting him a lot due to your experience and knowledge. He would train or bake with you all day if he could. He was a good kid, you liked him. He put a smile on your face.

So without your boys here to keep things lively and exciting, you were a little bored. And a bored y/n is a dangerous y/n. You found yourself going to the gym a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself sleeping a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself eating a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself thinking a little more because you had nothing to do.

But mostly, you found yourself missing Bucky a little more. You missed him and his smile. You missed his warm embrace and the cool touch of his metal arm. You missed sleeping in the same bed as him and waking up to his morning kisses. You missed his short hair that he lets grow out. You missed his perfectly chiseled jawline and abs, like that was fair. You just missed him.

You had been marking down the days on your calendar until he was due to come back. 3 weeks. They left May 3, they should return by May 24. That’s how math works. Fury had kept you updated, as much as he could. They were still on schedule, they should be here in 4 days.

4 days. 4 days. _4 days._

You grew more restless the closer it came. You had four days to entertain yourself, shouldn’t be too hard. Except that it was. It was impossible. You couldn’t focus on anything but those fucking four days. Those 96 hours that needed to pass. Those 5760 minutes you couldn’t stand. Those 345600 seconds that you were counting down.

The night before they were supposed to come home you got a call. _Nick Fury._

It took you a moment to collect your breathing and swallow the pit in your stomach before you could answer. “Yes sir?”

“Stark won’t answer his phone. Tell him to prepare the landing pad for 2 tomorrow.”

You let out a shaky breath of relief, “They’re on their way?”

“They should depart in a few hours.”

“Thank you sir.”

You ended the call and let a small smile form on your face as you made your way down to Tony’s lab. Your Bucky was coming home.

~.~

You didn’t sleep the night before and you certainly weren’t getting any rest now. You sat at the kitchen table, mug of coffee in your hand, knee bouncing aggressively.

“Y/n, would you calm down? They’re fine.” Tony said with a hint of annoyance. He had been just as antsy due to Peter’s absence.

You chewed on your nails and began to ramble, “We don’t actually know that. Nick just gave us a time, no details. They could be dead and the plane could be auto piloted.” You glanced up from the table to see Tony glaring at you. You ran a hand through your hair, “sorry sorry. You’re right, they’re fine.”

You suddenly heard the whirlwind of the jet engines and the mechanics of the landing pad fill the air. You stood up quickly and walked over to the window. Tony followed suit. You guys watched the jet land gracefully and slowly be pulled into the tower by Tony’s genius technology. You both swiveled on your feet towards the garage door, waiting with stilled breath for your teammates to walk in. Clint and Natasha joined you guys in welcoming them back home, but were still relaxing on nearby chairs. The two of them not nearly as pent up as you and Tony were.

The door seemed to open in slow motion and soon enough the tall, tanned muscular body of Steve Rogers walked in with a duffel over his shoulder. Nat smiled and got up to meet her boyfriend with a hug and a small kiss. You don’t know how the two of them did it so easily.

Sam walked in next and gave Nat a quick hello before coming over to give you a hug. You gladly reciprocated the hug and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. He threw his arm over your shoulder. You chuckled slightly, “Glad to see you made it back in one piece. How was the mission?”

“It was good if that little asshole didn’t keep getting in my way.” Sam picked up his voice as Peter walked in. The kid rolled his eyes at Sam, obviously used to his playful insults by now. You laughed slightly at the two before noticing the pointed gazes from the boys that just returned.

“Where’s Bucky?”

“Y/n….” The tone of his voice killed you. Your heart instantly sank and your vision blurred even if you didn’t actually know what had happened yet. Your knees buckled beneath you and you felt Sam tighten his grip around your waist to keep you upright. The whole room wore concerned expressions, surely for both you and the missing avenger.

Steve took a few cautious steps forward, “he… he didn’t come back with us.”

Tears threatened to spill over, “What do you mean he didn’t come back with you? Where is he?”

“Y/n…”

“No, Sam! Where the hell is Bucky?!” You pushed him away from you, anger dominating your actions.

“Y/n.” That was Steve’s voice. Calming and smooth. “Bucky is in Wakanda.”

You let out a gasp of both relief and worry. “Why would he be in Wakanda?”

“Something happened….” Peter’s voice was small and almost guilty. You noticed how he tugged at the collar of his hoodie, keeping it high up on his neck.

Everyone was staring at you. You in all your white hot rage and sadness. Your confusion was obviously evident. They were all scrutinizing you. Trying to figure out what you’d do next. Even you didn’t know that.

“I’m calling him.” You were out of the room before anyone could stop you but that doesn’t mean they didn’t follow. Sam and Steve were hot on your trail as you ran to your room to grab your phone.

“Y/n he isn’t going to pick up.”

“He probably won’t talk to you.”

“Y/n let us explain.”

You didn’t listen to them as you dialed the number and pressed the phone to your face. The phone rang out for what seemed like forever before the tone of the voicemail came through. You ended the call and dropped the phone onto your bed, turning on your heel with red eyes and tears running down your cheek.

You stared down his two best friends. “What. The. Hell. Happened?” You spoke slowly and your voice was low. Sam gulped but continued to explain.

“When we got to Mosul, everything was going as planned. We infiltrated the Hydra base and took them out fairly easily.”

“Why does this matter?” You just needed to know about Bucky.

Steve spoke up next, “When we moved to Kirkuk to take out the next base they were more than ready. We were trapped, Bucky was separated from the three of us. There was nothing we could do.” more tears fell onto your cheeks, “we tried y/n. We really did. Bucky tried but it was too late.”

“What happened?” Your voice broke.

Sam looked down and rubbed the back of his neck nervously before looking you dead in the eye, “he was activated.”

Your hand covered your mouth wordlessly as you shook your head in shock. “No… no. That’s- that’s not possible. Shuri wiped it all out. It was gone.”

“That’s what we all thought.” You sat down ceremoniously onto the edge of your bed.

Your hair fell around your face. You whispered, “What happened when he was… you know… the winter soldier.” You had to force back the physical gag at the thought of him being _that_.

“After he was activated, they opened up the barrier between us and he attacked us. We tried to contain him so we could get Bucky back but with Hydra on us too, it was nearly impossible. Me and Sam were stuck dealing with all the agents and Bucky…” Steve sighed heavily, “He went face to face with Peter.”

Your eyes widened significantly.

“They were a pretty even match. Peter is stronger than Steve so we weren’t too worried but… when a super soldier is being brainwashed, they become even stronger. Me and Steve were pretty much done with the agents and we saw that Bucky was holding Peter up by his throat, strangling him. It took all of our strength to pull him off.”

Your eyes darted to the door, “peter. Is he….?

“He’s okay. He knows it wasn’t Bucky but it was still a scary experience. Once we got Bucky back, he wouldn’t even look the kid in the eyes and he barely talked to us. He blames himself.”

You finished the thought, “so he went to Wakanda to see if they could fix it.”

“Yeah…” Sam and Steve shared a look, “There’s one other thing. Bucky said that this activation was different from the rest.”

“How so?”

“Well they used different words, so it was a different programming all together.”

“So even if the winter soldier was wiped out, this other thing wasn’t.”

You sighed and ran your hands over your eyes, “So it wasn’t that Shuri missed it. It’s that they didn’t even know it existed.” You looked at the two boys, “so hydra programmed him twice…”

“Not actually.” Natasha’s voice was sharp as she entered your room with a tablet in hand. “That second base wasn’t Hydra.” Everyone looked at her confused, “they were disguised as Hydra. They knew you guys were out wiping out the bases and used the cover of a hydra agency to lure you in. That was Leviathan, the original red room. It was the thing that made Dottie Underwood the first black widow even though that wasn’t their official name.”

You looked to her, “the first black widow? When was this?”

“The 1940s.” Steve’s breath hitched. Natasha continued, “There are 20 years unaccounted for when Bucky was supposedly kidnapped to when the first winter soldier siting was.”

“You think he spent those twenty years with this Leviathan?” Sam asked

“No, not all of it.” Natasha projected some numbers and files from her tablet onto your wall, “He was first captured by Leviathan and then brainwashed and established as a tool after 5 years. They called him the Recluse.”

“How do we know this?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Sam, “because I know everything. And…” she flipped through another file, “Peggy Carter had a run in with him.” Steve’s eyes widened. “She had an encounter with a younger girl named Eva who killed some of her agents, she followed Eva secretly alone for a while and found that she was one of 3 ‘assets’. Bucky being the first and the oldest.”

“Why isn’t this on any files or anything?” Sam asked.

“It was. But as she tried to find and rescue him, he was gone. We don’t know exactly how Bucky went from that to Hydra but he did.”

“And then when Hydra was SHIELD, they wiped the file.” Sam guess and Natasha confirmed that.

You didn’t speak for a while. “Does Bucky know this?” Everyone’s head snapped towards you, “Does Bucky remember that?”

Natasha shrugged, “if he did he didn’t tell anyone.”

“But he knew this one was different, right?” You looked back towards Steve and Sam and they nodded. “So we need to get this information to Shuri and T’Challa.” you moved to grab the tablet but Natasha pulled her hand away and Sam stood in front of you. You narrowed your eyes, “What are you doing?”

“I already sent the information to them. Now we just need to wait.” Natasha leveled.

“Wait?!” You repeated, “You expect me to wait?! My boyfriend almost murdered his best friends and now is getting his brain tested and you expect me to sit and wait?!” You didn’t wait for as response as you stormed out of the room and towards the training room, needing to blow off steam and knowing that they wouldn’t follow you.

You spent hours crying and destroying a punching bag before anyone approached you. You heard them the minute they walked through the door but waited til they were a step behind you to turn around and swing. The boy ducked. Peter.

You breathed heavily as you stared at the young adult. 20 years old now. You shook your head, “What do you want?”

“I want to go help Bucky.” You froze.

“What?”

“The guys told me what happened and I agree with you. He deserves to have people there with him who know him and share memories with him. Obviously they won’t agree to it and I can’t fly the quinjet. So I need you to take me to Wakanda. Ready?”

You walked over to the bench and began to unwrap your hands, “look peter… I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I’m not going to take you to Wakanda.”

“But you are going, right?” You looked at him out of the corner of your eye. He barked out a laugh, “y/n you can’t fool me. I know that look, I’ve had that look. I know you’re going so might as well take me. Oh and Wanda.”

“Wanda? She’s not even here.”

“Yeah she is. She and vision just got back and I filled her all in and she thinks that they are crazy. She’s getting packed as we speak.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “peter we are NOT going to Wakanda tonight. And that’s that.”

~.~

“Ready to go?” you whispered as both Peter and Wanda crawled aboard the quinjet.

“Yep!” peter said with a big smile as Wanda nodded with a yawn.

“We have less than two minutes to get this bird in the air before the others will be notified.” you looked to peter, “that means I need your help. You have to wait outside the quinjet and manually open the door. Once we are out, Wanda I need you to cut the holds on the wheels with your powers and then Peter swing on up to us and we’ll let you in. Understood?” they both nodded, “Awesome. Let’s go get our Buck.”

~.~

The alarm sounded too late for the sleeping avengers too do anything. Natasha was the first one up and in the common room, being a light sleeper due to the dangers of her job. Steve was right behind her, trailing a little slowly but still active.

“Friday what’s going on?” Tony asked as he bounded into the room

“It seems that Ms. y/l/n, Mr. Parker, and Ms. Maximoff have stolen a quinjet.” Everyone let out a small sigh of relief knowing that at least no one was in immediate danger.

“You couldn’t stop them?”

“They did not activate any machinery until they took off, therefor I was not notified of any suspicious activity.”

“Can you track them?” Steve asked while running a hand over his eyes

“Unfortunately not. They seemed to have gone incognito. I will not be able to find them until they want us to find them.” Stark slumped slightly and looked at Steve, Natasha, and Sam who just came in.

“Any idea where they would have gone?”

Sam and Steve shared a look. Natasha answered for them, “Wakanda.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Friday call T’Challa.”

“Yes sir. Connecting you to him now.”

“Stark?”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, “yeah hey cat man.” T’Challa scoffed, “We have some people on their way to you to visit a certain Popsicle.”

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Yeah. Y/n, Wanda, and peter are on their way in a quinjet.” Steve said back.

“But Sergeant Barnes requested no visitors.” Shuri’s voice came through. “Steve he told you that directly.”

“I know that. I told them not to go, they just took off in a quinjet.”

“And you cannot summon it back?” Shuri lowered her voice, “some technology you have.”

“They’ve gone incognito, princess.” Natasha explained, “We aren’t entirely sure they’re even headed to Wakanda. It was just a guess.”

“Well, Sergeant Barnes is still awake and moving. We haven’t begun treatment yet. I’m letting him rest for a few days. Should we send them back?”

“I think that’s Bucky’s call.” Sam supplied.

“Well any and all of you are welcomed here any time. We will call you back if they make an appearance.”

“Thank you T’Challa, Shuri.” The phone call ended with an audible click and the avengers all looked to each other.

“What are we gonna do?”

Tony put his tablet on a nearby table and stalked back towards his room, “I’m going back to bed. We can’t stop them now. We’ll get a good night’s rest and head out to Wakanda tomorrow.”

“Alright fine. Everyone be ready to leave by 8 in the morning.”

“Sir yes sir capsicle.”

~.~

“What can I do for you princess?” Sam asked groggily as he answered his phone

“They never arrived.”

“What? Who?” Sam pushed himself into a sitting position and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Y/n. She never arrived.” That woke him up.

“Shit. Okay thanks Shuri.” Sam jumped out of bed and bounded towards Steve’s room. He knocked aggressively and waited rather impatiently outside the door for Steve to open it, wearing nothing but sweatpants.

“What do you want Sam? It’s 5 in the morning.”

“Shuri just called saying that y/n never arrived. Where else would they have gone?” his words came out panicked and scared.

Steve’s eyes widened but he remained calm, “let’s talk to Tony. I’m sure there is something we can do.”

The two of them walked quickly to Tony’s sweet and knocked on the door. He arrived a little too quickly for him to have just woken up. He walked past them wordlessly.

“Follow me, I just got the call.”

“How can we find them?”

“The only thing that I might be able to do is tap into Peter’s suit but even then… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Steve asked waving his hands around, “don’t you track that boy?”

“I used to but when he became an adult, he’s free to make his own decisions.” Steve groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “Calm down cap, I’m still gonna try.”

Tony sat down on the swivel chair in front of a computer and leaned back casually. “Friday. Look alive baby, we’ve got work to do.” he stared up at the projections that were appearing in front of him. “Fri, start the coffee machine… this is gonna be a rough one.”

~.~

“Y/n!” Wanda whispered harshly as the plane touched down in what was not Wakanda. “Y/n! What are we doing here?”

You stormed past her as you holstered a few guns, “getting answers.” Peter grabbed your arm as you hurried past, forcing you to face him.

“Y/n this isn’t the way to do this.”

You snarled at the boy, “let me go Peter. I have things to do.”

Wanda stepped forward, “Like what? What on earth could this possibly achieve?”

“Closure!” you screamed back, tears threatening to spill over. “Fucking closure! The knowledge that there isn’t anyone out there who could cause Bucky to go through this all over again! He’s had enough.”

“We know.” Wanda’s voice was soft, her eyes filled with sorrow for you. “Y/n… we know.”

“That’s why he’s in Wakanda. So they can help him. That’s why we need to go to Wakanda.”

“But they missed it before!” you thrashed your arms around violently, “who says they won’t miss it again?”

“Is there anything else to miss?” Peter asked, his big brown eyes looking into your y/e/c ones.

“That’s the thing Pete, I don’t know.” Your voice broke slightly, “And Bucky doesn’t know. And neither of you know. And Natasha doesn’t know. Even shield doesn’t fucking know! Nobody but those people that put this evil in him know that it’s there.” You took a calming breath, “There is no other way to be sure.”

Wanda frowned but nodded, “you’re the one in charge here. I’m not happy with it but…” she hesitated slightly, “I’ll still follow you.”

Peter groaned and threw his head back, “well I won’t! I don’t want to do this. I just wanted to see Bucky and tell him that I forgive him and that it’s alright. I didn’t want to do this. My abilities are practically useless here!”

You had flown the quinjet back to Iraq, where the boys had been previously stationed, and where you tracked him down. Yesikov Makrovich. The last known operator of this Leviathan.

You bit back your anger towards Peter. He was right in a sense. You had lied to your friends and dragged them along on a dangerous mission for your own selfish purposes but you couldn’t help it! You just wanted to sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend without fearing for his sanity. You looked to Peter, “fine then. You stay here with the quinjet. Protect this with your life and we’ll be back within the hour.”

You and Wanda departed the jet and watched as peter closed the door. Wanda moved some trees around it with her powers to hide it better now that they weren’t incognito. You turned and began to walk quickly towards a crumbling building. You pulled the mask over your face and pulled the guns from your built. Time to shot shit down.

~.~

“Where could they be?!” After hours of trying to reach peter’s suit Tony was unsuccessful. The three boys sat hopelessly in the room, struggling to find another solution when a red dot suddenly pinged on the world map. It was the jet. Tony shot into a standing position and zoomed in on the location marker.

“They’re in Iraq.” Tony said confused, “Why would they go to Iraq.”

Sam scratched his head, “Well that is where our mission took place.”

“You think y/n would track down that guy?” Steve asked as he leaned against the desk.

Tony shook his head slightly, “I mean it sounds like her but… Wanda and Peter would never agree to it.”

Sam closed his eyes, “maybe… maybe they didn’t agree to it.” He opened his eyes to see the other two men looking on in confusion, “We all know how y/n gets around Bucky so it’s not that farfetched of an idea that she might lie about where they’re going to satisfy her own agenda.”

“Let’s call the jet.” Tony stated and turned around to face a control panel. He clicked a few buttons and waited with heavy breath as it connected him to the aircraft.

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony let out the breath, “Hey kid. Glad to see someone picked up.”

“Are you mad?”

Tony let out a humorless chuckle, “no no… I’m very mad but I’m glad that you’re okay. Where are y/n and Wanda?”

“They left the ship about thirty minutes ago.”

“To do what?” Sam asked sternly

“I’m not entirely sure. I thought we were headed to Wakanda.” Sam gave a smirk to Steve, “but I know she’s after the guy that did this to Bucky. I don’t know who it is though and she didn’t say the name.”

“What are you doing in the quinjet by yourself then?”

“I didn’t want to help this way, plus I really can’t do much out here.”

“Okay well I want to stay on the line with you until y/n comes back, I don’t want to miss her.”

“Yeah… sure.” A few minutes of silence passed before a lot of noises exploded inside the cabin of the jet.

“Peter?” tony asked worried, “you alright?”

“Y/n!” Peter ignored Tony, “What the hell do you think you’re doing.”

You glared at the boy and dragged the unconscious man to a corner of the quinjet. “Getting answers. Peter, I’m gonna set the jet to autopilot and you are going to stay up here.”

“What? Y/n?”

You passed by him to the controls and quickly set it up. You glanced back at the young boy. Too young. “Peter. I mean it, stay here.” Peter just nodded as you headed back into the large ship and found yourself hidden behind a wall.

“Peter?”

“She’s back.”

Tony sighed, “Yeah I figured. She has that guy with her?” Peter just nodded into the video call. Tony shook his head.

A loud grunt and bang came from the other room causing Peter to cringe and fight his instinct to go look at it. He settled into the large pilot chair and just found solace in his mentor’s presence.

With you in the other room, it was a frightening scene. You had tied up the man and placed him on one of the seats. His bloodied face lolled to one side and then the other as he slowly woke up. He blinked a few times before a sinister grin broke out onto his face. Wanda stood a few feet behind you with her arms cross, eyes narrowed. You stooped down to the man’s eye level and forced him to look at you.

“James Barnes.” Your words came out harsh and cracked.

The man clicked his tongue, “What a good soldier that man was.” You blinked back harsh tears and forced yourself to look at the man.

“Tell me what you put in his head.” The man just smiled larger. Your fist connected with his face before you could ask him again. He groaned lowly but eventually looked right back up at your face, the only new addition being a small dribble of blood running down his forehead. “What. did you. put. in his. head.” You spoke the words between clenched teeth. The man didn’t speak.

You were tempted to throw hands again, to literally knock both some sense into him and the answers out of him. But instead you stood up, wiping your hands on your suit and looking to Wanda, giving her a small nod.

“You made the wrong choice.” You spoke softly, “I was the good cop.” You saw the brief flash of fear in the man’s eyes as Wanda stepped forward, her eyes beginning to glow red.

The man fought against her powers for a brief second before giving in. Wanda smirked as she was given a clear search through his head. She stopped it a moment later and the man let out a deep breath, panting heavily. She turned to you and whispered, “He was the first one who found Bucky and he actually passed them off to Hydra once they got the Black Widow program started.”

You let out a breath of relief. This was it. This was the last thing inside of his head. You finally began to breath properly again. You turned on your heel and took a few steps towards the man who looked winded. You smirked at him, “thanks for the help.” And with that you socked him across the face, knocking him out cold. You grabbed a small rag and wiped your knuckles clean of his blood, walking back to the cockpit. Peter was chewing on his thumbnail nervously.

“Stark.” You gave the man a curt nod before taking your place behind the wheel.

“Y/n, what were you thinking?” You didn’t answer the man. “Are you gonna answer me?” Your eyes flitted to the picture of Tony Stark before going back to the controls where you took the plane off of autopilot.

Peter spoke up slightly, “Why don’t we call you back later?”

“No, Peter we need to talk about this. Y/n what you—“ You turned off the video with a small sigh and relaxed back into your seat slightly. Peter timidly looked behind him, barely seeing the form of the slumped over man.

“He’s just unconscious, don’t worry kid.” You said knowing what his unuttered question was. You sighed slightly and flipped the autopilot on once more. You turned to face peter, “I don’t think I was ever going to kill him. I just wanted some answers and for him to be brought to justice.”

“What are you going to do with him?”

“I’m gonna let T’Challa deal with him. Speaking of…” You glanced at the map, “We’re about thirty minutes out so get ready.”

~.~

Bucky sat on the edge of his bed, his fingers fiddling with his phone. He had meant to call you the minute he got it back, he had been thinking of it the entire time he was on the mission. But then that happened and he just felt so… dirty. He didn’t deserve you. You deserved the world and all you got was some lowlife criminal who brought death to everything he touched. He sighed and tossed his phone onto his pillow, running his hands through his tangled hair. He needed to get it cut.

He smiled slightly at the thought of you running your hands over his scalp before tugging gently and commenting on how long it had gotten. Are you gonna keep it? You always asked for his opinion before passing your own judgment. Bucky was undecided on his hair. He used to always keep it long, not wanting to risk showing his face to any professional. But now… now he had the safety and the time and the want to take care of it.

There was a light knock on his door. He sat up and walked to it, unlocking the door and opening it. His eyes widened at the sight of Queen Nakia and Okoye on the other side.

Bucky smiled politely as the queen got straight to business, “There is a situation.”

Bucky fought back the grimace, not wanting to get involved in anything serious before he goes back in cryo. “How can I help?”

“Y/n is on her way. She’s about ten minutes out.” Bucky’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“What… what? Why is she coming here?”

“She found out from your colleagues about what happened. We actually expected her last night but she never arrived. We just got word from Stark that she…” Nakia hesitated. Okoye stepped up.

“She tracked down and captured the man that caused all this damage. She has him in his custody and is turning him over to us.” Okoye sighed slightly, “We are telling you this because she has requested to see you.”

“Do not worry Sergeant Barnes, if you do not wish to see her then you will not. However, I doubt Shuri will continue on with Cryo until she knows more about this. It may take a few days, even weeks.”

“Thank you Queen Nakia. Okoye.” Bucky nodded to both of the women before shutting the door and flopping onto his bed. He wanted to see you, he really did but not when he felt like this. He heard loud turbines and looked out the window to see the quinjet landing smoothly on the flight deck. You were driving. His heart strings were pulled as he saw you through the small dirty window swipe some hair out of your face. You stood up and strode to the back of the quinjet. Bucky sighed once more, not knowing what to do.

It boiled down to like three options: he could go out and greet you on the small runway with the royals of Wakanda, he could wait and see if the guards can keep you from his room, or more likely you would show up at his door anyways. Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

He watched through the clear glass as Wanda exited the plane, a small backpack thrown over her shoulder. Bucky’s chest tightened as Peter stepped out next, his mask dangling between his fingers as he followed behind Wanda closely. Bucky waited with stilled breath as his eyes searched for your frame. A startled gasp escaped his lips as a man stumbled out of the jet, his hands bound behind his back and traces of blood across his face. You stepped out next, the top of your uniform folded down around your hips, a thin tank top covering your torso. You kept pushing the man forward until two of the Dora Milaje stepped forward and took the man out of your grasp. Bucky watched as you and Shuri shared a small hug before you went to shake T’Challa’s hand in greeting. He gestured for you, Wanda, and Peter to follow him into the palace. Bucky felt his breathing pick up as he thought of the fact that you were suddenly going to be in the vicinity of him.

His chest moved up and down rapidly as he thought about what happen. What happened on that dreadful mission. How he lost control, again. How no matter how much help he seeks he will never be normal. He will never be safe. He’ll hurt you. Just like he hurt peter. Oh god, Peter. Bucky’s hands gripped at his hair as he couldn’t get rid of the image of peter struggling in his grasp and choking for air. The bruises that peppered the young boy’s neck caused tears to fall out of Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else. He just wanted to rest, to be free. To be actually free. To have nothing, absolutely nothing, inside his head. He was tired of being someone else’s soldier instead of being his own. He had already hurt too many of his teammates, his friends, his family. And he would kill himself if he ever hurt you. You were the best thing that ever happened to him and he’d be a wreck if he ever lost you, let alone if he was the reason you were gone.

Bucky let out a shaky breath. _She’s probably disgusted by me. She’ll never want to touch me, to have me touch her. She’ll want me dead for hurting Peter. She’ll be so angry and disappointed that I let-”_

A light knock on the door broke Bucky out of his train of thought. Bucky didn’t respond, too afraid of who was behind that door. Another small knock came, this one just a tad louder but nowhere near aggressive. “Bucky?” it was you. Bucky sucked in a sharp breath of air, his eyes fluttering to the door. His vision was blurry with unshed tears. He heard you sigh, “Bucky, I’m not going to come in if you don’t want me to. Just know that… _sigh_ , I’m here. Okay? I’m right here for you.” A heavy pause, “I’ll be upstairs in the guest quarters if you need me, okay? If you need anything.” You waited a moment to see if he would respond but nothing came. Bucky just stared at the door until he heard your footsteps disappear slowly. He waited until you were out of ear shot to slowly get up and move to the door. He rested his flesh hand on the doorknob, contemplating if he should open the door or not. Should he go after you? Should he stay? Bucky let go and slid to the floor, his back pressed against the wood. He dropped his head into his hands. He didn’t know who he was anymore.

~.~

You didn’t see Bucky that entire day. You knew he was shaken up and maybe it wasn’t the best idea to sneak away to Wakanda but you’d be damned if you weren’t there for your boyfriend in every way possible. Wanda and Peter spent most of their time in the lab with Shuri, after they had showered and napped of course. You however, you hadn’t even sat down yet. You stole some light sweatpants and with the dirty tank top you were wearing earlier you took to the palace’s gym. You had wrapped and taped your hands tightly a few minutes ago and now you were pounding away at a punching bag. You grunted with each punch and hair flew out of your ponytail every time you moved.

“I see you have found the gym, Ms. y/l/n.” You sighed lightly and pushed the fallen strands of hair out of your face.

You nodded your head at the new person that entered, “Queen Nakia, how are you today?”

She smiled and took a few steps forward, “I’m wonderful. The sun is shining brightly, and the crops are being harvested as we speak, it is a good day in Wakanda. How are you doing?”

You continued to avoid her eyeline, walking over to the wall where your phone and water bottle sat. You shrugged slightly as you crouched down, beginning to unwrap your hands. “I’m doing okay.”

Nakia scoffed slightly and walked over to you, standing near your body. “Oh I can see that. It’s been six hours since you’ve arrived, and you still haven’t showered.”

You threw the sweaty wraps onto the floor as you stood, now standing eye to eye with the young queen. “why would I shower if I wanted to work out?”

She countered you easily, “Why workout when you could take care of yourself?” You just looked away, grabbing your bottle. “I know you are upset and stressed at the moment but think about what Sergeant Barnes is going through.”

You forced yourself to calm down and nodded, “I know I’m trying to. It’s just hard to see someone you love going through something this hard.” You looked at her with watery eyes, “I just didn’t want him to go through it alone.”

She smiled at you, “I understand completely. However, you cannot speak to me and say these words as if you were not acting on a selfish thought as well.”

You huffed and ran your hand through your hair, “of course I was acting on a selfish thought! I wanted to see him before he went into cryo. He’s my boyfriend for god’s sake! I just… I thought he would want to see me as well.”

She laid a gentle hand on your upper arm, “I promise you that he wants to see you… he’s just a little lost at the moment. The mission took its toll on him.”

You sighed, “I know.”

“You know, sergeant Barnes is a wonderful man.” You smiled and nodded at her words. You did know. Nakia continued, “I talked with him for a few minutes when he first arrived, trying to make sure he was comfortable. Of course, he is very familiar with our palace due to the time he spent here a few years ago but I was just being friendly.” She gestured to a bench nearby, “would you like to take a seat.”

You nodded and followed her to the bench, sitting down carefully and taking a sip of water as you listened to the graceful words of the queen.

She smiled at you, “He ended up opening up to me mostly out of pure exhaustion from keeping it in. He was embarrassed that he was activated again, and ashamed. He was mad at himself for hurting Mr. Parker and putting his friends in danger. He was also mad that there was yet another thing out of control, he thought that he finally had a handle on his life.” She sighed slightly, “he was also scared. He was scared that he would hurt you or that you would hate him for what he did.”

You shook your head furiously, “I could never hate him.”

Nakia smiled at you, “he knows that, he does. It’s just… not his most thought of idea at the moment. Right now, anger and confusion cloud his brain and his judgement. You just need to give him time. However… while you are waiting you need to take care of yourself. That way when he’s ready to talk to you, you’re ready to listen.”

You nodded and smiled at Nakia, “thank you so much Nakia. Who knew that talking is a much better way to clear your head than punching something.”

Nakia laughed gently, “while I think Okoye would disagree with you, I am very happy that I could be helpful. I’ll have someone send up a fresh pair of clothes for you, so you can get out of that dirty shirt.”

You looked down at the sweaty tank top and laughed slightly before grimacing, “yeah when I get frustrated I tend to not care about appearance.” Nakia laughed as the two of you walked out of the large gym.

~.~

Bucky did come to you later that night, when you were up reading a book you found in T’Challa’s extensive library. It was a small knock on the door, one you almost didn’t hear until his heavy breath made his presence known. You unlocked the door quickly and pulled him into a hug.

You quickly pulled away though, “I’m sorry I should’ve asked first. How are you—” Bucky cut you off as he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you close. You reciprocated the hug with as much love as you could. You felt his cold tears drip onto the top of your head and you pulled away slightly to cup his face and wipe them away.

You spent the next three hours just listening to Bucky talk, wiping away the few stray tears that fell or pushing his hair back behind his ear. He sometimes would trail off and you would just reassure him that everything was okay. That he wasn’t scaring you away or pushing you from him. That you were right here, and you were gonna stay right here.

It ended with the two of you cuddled close on the bed, his arms wrapped protectively around you as you laid your head on his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He said for what was probably the millionth time.

You huffed slightly and pulled away to look at his face, “stop apologizing Buck. You know I don’t blame you.”

He nodded tightly, “I know… I just feel the need to apologize.”

You sighed and cupped his cheek gently, “okay then. I forgive you. Even though I don’t think there is anything to forgive, just know that I forgive you 100%. I’m not mad at you, I’m not angry with you. There is no frustration or resentment in my heart. I just want you to be okay.”

He smiled at you and pressed a light kiss to your palm, “I’m getting there. Much better now that you are here though, Doll.”

You smiled and ran your hair through his scalp tugging on his locks gently. You bit your lip, “it’s getting so long.” He smiled at you and your predictability. “are you gonna keep it?”

Bucky shrugged and squeezed your hip slightly, “I don’t know yet.”

You smiled and ran your hand through it again, “well just know that I think you are handsome either way.”

He pressed a loving kiss to your lips, “thanks doll.”

You pressed another one to his in return, “of course. It’s a yes by the way.” He raised his eyebrow in confusion as you giggled slightly.

You didn’t want to bring it up, wanting instead to let him think that he would surprise you, but you couldn’t hold it anymore. You just loved him too much.

“what’s a yes?” He asked, confusion still evident on his face.

You rolled your eyes, “to your proposal. It’s a yes. I will marry you.”

His eyebrows shot up, “how did you know about that?”

You giggled again, “you aren’t very good at hiding the ring.”

He laughed with you before kissing you passionately, “it’s a yes?”

You laughed and nodded, kissing him again. “It’s a hell yes.”

He sighed as he pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes contently. You frowned slightly, “I didn’t mean to give it away or take away your proposal. I just got really excited.”

He laughed, “it’s okay. I was pretty sure that I was gonna botch the proposal anyway. I always get so nervous. Plus, if this wasn’t the most us way to propose then I don’t know what is.”

You laughed and nodded again, “very true. I love you James Barnes.”

He smiled and kissed you again, “and I love you future Ms. James Barnes.”

You scoffed, “that’s Ms. James y/l/n-Barnes.”

He smiled and nodded, “you’re damn right it is.”

~.~

You, Wanda, and Peter ended up staying in Wakanda for a week before Bucky was scheduled to go back into cryo. You stood in a long corridor with him, the two of you looking out a large window at the beautiful Wakandan scenery.

He nudged your shoulder with his, “it’ll only be four months.”

You sighed, “that’s easy for you to say… you’ll be asleep for three of them.”

“two and a half but I’ll still miss you.”

You glanced up at him with watery eyes causing him to pull you into his side, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“Do me a favor and wear the ring while I’m gone.”

You gave him a watery laugh and smiled, “of course.”

“Bucky, we’re ready for you!” Shuri called from the end of the hallway. Bucky nodded at her and turned to walk, pulling you with him. You held onto his flesh arm tightly as the two of you went to the medical wing. The two of you paused as you came across the machine.

Bucky stopped and turned to look at you, cupping your face in his hands. “I’ll see you soon okay?” You nodded. He leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to your lips, your hands resting on his waist and gripping his shirt tightly.

He pulled away before pressing another small kiss to your forehead. You smiled at him, “how about when you come home you can propose to me for real and we’ll get your hair cut.”

He smiled at you as he shook his head fondly, “sounds like a plan.” He pressed another quick kiss to your lips as Shuri cleared her throat. “I’ve gotta go. Dr. Shuri is getting impatient.”

You laughed slightly as Shuri rolled her eyes. You nodded sadly as he let go of your face and walked over to the machine. You knew that this was for the better and that he was safe but a part of you was scared of losing him again. You waved to him as he stepped in and waiting until the door closed, and the small window was covered to turn around and walk back to the quinjet where Wanda and Peter were waiting for you.

Wanda smiled gently at you as you walked on, “you doing okay?”

You sighed as you sat down in the pilot seat, “I am, because I know he’s gonna be okay.”

~.~

“is that an engagement ring?!” Sam’s shriek filled the entire tower. You just facepalmed.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment and a kudos :))
> 
> requests are open
> 
> tumblr: parkersharthook


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